Behind This Smile

 

First, what comes to mind when you see a set of whites glaring at you? What do you even say when someone compliments your smile,  "thank you" right? maybe with a blush creeping up your face? That is just how it is...you smile with a knot tightening in your chest every single time you put your teeth on display. Is anything really as hard as being joyful when thoughts are weighing you down?

  When you see me and I smile, I do that not because I want to but because I just feel like I need to, just to show that I am not holding anything because even when you act concerned it annoys me, who am I kidding, what doesn't annoy me these days?

  Take this as a tale of a burdened person, it always seems like it doesnt it? but take it more seriously this time...you always seem fine to everyone, everyone adores that smile you show them, you seem fine but you know you  aren't, of course it is not your doing, it is just the way the world has so messed up your emotional health that you feel nothing is right.

"You know nothing about what is gong on in my head," I whisper each time i get a compliment. Do you know just how hard it is containing all these burdening emotions and bearing the pain, its alright, I dont want you to know anyway because I feel like you might judge me and make me feel bad, or you might try so hard to help me I will feel like I am burdening you.

Look, its hard enough being me, its hard being in this body, I need you to understand that although I feel like thrash on the inside I will always wear this smile for you, not because it masks my emotions but because it makes me feel a little bit right when you're happy to see me smile.

That's alright for a change isn't it?