My feelings.

I can count my happy memories,
But not the bad ones.
My life's a rollercoaster,
The high hills always more and threatening,
No good memories to keep me happy
Just the dark gloomy ones
You have no idea what I've been through,
So you can't understand why I behave this way.
Yes, I'm short tempered, you don't know what made me that way.
 
I've not always been like this,
But some experiences altered my being.
You don't know what I grew up with,you have no idea how my daily experiences are
You have no idea how emotional I get,
Not because of anything, but my treatment .
   You can't know
I don't wish to tell you.
All because I know I'll have a break down if I do, and I won't be able to stop.
I'll keep on crying.
Crying out the pain of the lost childhood, the boring teenage years, the inability to relax .
I won't stop
It'll keep pouring out.
Like a dam,
I've been holding the tears back.
 But a single leak would let it all out,
And till that reservoir is empty,
There's no stopping.
   You don't know what's hidden behind my smile, you don't know what these eyes have seen,
You don't know the pain my heart has felt.
 But I do know you can't easily understand without passing a judgement.
Till then...
I'll close my doors and avoid saying anything ,
For fear of giving too much out.
Don't push me to say anything.
Or do anything
You might awaken the sleeping beast in me.
You don't know my growing pains.